Water Communion - 2013

Today, at the Unitarian Universalist Church of Fort Myers, we celebrate our Water Communion. Of all the singularly UU celebrations, this beautiful ceremony is my favorite. It also marks the anniversary of my family's first attendance to the UU church. Perhaps that's why I am so particularly attached to this service, and why I am especially honored to be leading the Time for All Ages at UUCFM. I wanted to share the story I have selected to tell the youth and adults of my church with all of you. I hope that you can draw some peace and comfort from this old tale and feel the spirit of giving that binds us all together.

LOVE in the OUCH and the OOPS

I recently heard of a painful coffee-hour moment at church (not the first, and it won't be the last):  An adult asked another adult about their child, "What's wrong with the kid?"  It was an "ouch" moment for the parents.  An "ouch" moment to hear about it. I am curious; what can we learn?

Picture it.  It's coffee hour at the Tennessee Valley UU Church in Knoxville, TN.  My nine-year-old self has already raided the donut table, and I am looking up at all the adults talking.  I notice a woman.  She is talking to herself, but at different intervals is engaged by folks in the room.  There is something different about her from the other grown ups.  Her hair isn't brushed and she has holes in her shoes.  And lots of other grown ups talk to her.  Then she resumes talking to herself.

As kids, we notice differences.  And that experience, from over 25 years ago, reminds me that it is our adults that model to the kids how we assess and behave with one another in the face of difference and "otherness."  From that one memory of that coffee hour, I have held in my heart that our Unitarian Universalist churches are places where we value one another, even in our differences, whether they be theological, cultural, developmental, physical, mental, ...the list goes on ad infinitum.  Love has no bounds in this regard.  I remember thinking to myself, "Wow, that lady seems different.  And she is welcome here.  I am, too!  YAY!"  That scenario could have been different.  The lady could have been alone; quietly ushered out of the room; and I would have learned a very different message about what church is.

As a group of humans in this wild and wooly beast I know as Church, we are bound to mess up.  I can tell you right now that I am going to say things that I wish I could take back.  I am going to disappoint and fail as I encounter others who are different and think differently from me, accidentally offending in ways I had not imagined.  In those moments, how can we call one another to our highest values again and again- to try to really make Love the Spirit of the Church.  It begins with finding a loving and honest way of saying, "Ouch." It also invites the messer-upper to humbly say, "Oops, looks like I have some learning to do."  Infused in the "Ouch-Oops" process is the bigger pictureand faith that Love can carry us through these awkward, often painful moments.  We can get to the other side- to learning, personal growth, and stretched hearts. We can get curious with one another and learn and love in the midst of difference.

I have a T. S. Eliot quote on my wall.

"For us there is only the trying. The rest is not our business."

I do not have control about how other will respond to my behavior.  But I do have control in leading my own behavior, becoming self-aware, and learning about different ways of being in the world (cultures, abilities, sexual/ gender expression), open always to learning from our differences, expanding the circles of my compassion further and further.  The trying to be thoughtful- the striving- is essential if we truly want to honor our interconnectedness and our oneness in the Spirit of Love, in God.  Remember, little eyes are watching.

- Rev. Allison Farnum -

Addiction, Recovery and the Power of Meditation

How many people do you know with addictions?  What is an addiction should probably be explained first. An addiction is anything that you feel compelled to do,  IT controls YOU. It becomes the ruling force and desire of your day.  It also interferes with your day to day life , stopping you from taking care of your obligations such as work, lack of time with your children, unpaid bills, conflict in relationships etc. It can take many forms:Social media, internet, gambling, working too much, criminal activity, just to name a few outside of the usual drugs and alcohol. 

I should know, I have been an addict since a teen which later developed into alcoholism. I shoplifted, tried any drug I could get my hands on and my life suffered for it. If I was not using, I was working too much which was easy to do when you work for the State in protecting children from neglect and abuse. Then I had my daughter, now eight and became sober for a while and left that job because it took away from me raising her.

As addicts get stunted spiritually and emotionally while they engaged in addiction I lacked coping skills and when something bad happens, it was easy to run away and escape. You are stuck mentally at whatever age your addiction starts. Then you get sober and have to deal with things!? That is the worst part. I ran 12 step meetings and taught criminals in prison coping skills and to avoid crime and drugs, but something was missing. We were told in the 12 step to use G O D as Good Orderly Direction, I liked that. But really how much of that is found in prison?

I left that job and began writing, exploring different religions as I had done in the past, taking out what I felt made sense to me and my journey. Then I came to UUCFM and like Oprah states, I had a “Ah Ha moment!” Then it became clear. I started meditating, which by far has been the most important thing I could have learned. As you sit in silence, your thoughts left are what I call “monkey chatter”, leftover stuff, problems and events. All that was in the past. But meditation is not about the past, it is about the NOW and being in the PRESENT. In addiction you are as far from the present as you can be. It’s the Ying to my Yang that I am finding balance. Learning to quiet the mind helps you make peace within yourself and your mind, to connect with the universe/spirit/higher self.. whatever you feel connected to and what is coming to mind during meditation can be dealt with and understood. It is my newest and best coping skill ever.

- Jennifer Long -

Old Turtle Mosaics - a GREAT activity for kids 6 - 13

Douglas Wood is the brilliant author/poet behind the beautiful story, Old Turtle (he also authored the story that gave this blog it's name) and we believe this is a book every UU parent should have in their possession. It is the ideal tale for children of all ages, with it's deeply moving story, simple language, and stunning illustrations. If you've never read it or held a copy of the book in your hands, this Youtube video will give you some idea of how beautiful it is:


At our last Community Wednesday (a regular meeting of families and church members for delicious dinner and some fun activities at UUCFM) we introduced the kids to the story of Old Turtle and discussed the many messages within the text, all of which relate to acceptance and understanding of all faiths. Along with the story, we had a simple and ever so successful craft lined up ready to go!

Connecting with Michelle Richards

We are always excited when members of the UU community reach out to us to share their resources with our readers. Michelle Richards is a very talented lady who has done just that! For those of you who haven't heard of or read her book, "Tending the Flame: The Art of Unitarian Universalist Parenting," it's a

...first-of-its-kind guide to Unitarian Universalist parenting, [in which ]mother and experienced religious educator Michelle Richards encourages a practical and proactive approach to raising Unitarian Universalist children. Includes information about developmental stages, suggestions for incorporating spiritual practices into family life, teaching the Principles in age-appropriate ways, answering difficult questions on religious matters and dealing with religious disagreements. (UUA Bookstore)

For those of you who  know and love the book (as well as those of you who want to learn more about Michelle and her teachings) you'll be thrilled to know she writes a wonderful blog for UU World. You can check out Michelle's blog to find some wonderful perspectives on all kinds of youth-related issues concerning UU parents, such as differing religious practices, peer pressure, parenthood, respect of others, and so much more.

And for our crafty and social media friendly readers out there, don't miss Michelle's fun Pinterest board, Unitarian Universalist Parenting! There are buckets of craft ideas for kids of all ages, interesting teaching activities, and tons of fun resources to inspire the active UU parent into frenzied action. Happy pinning, because we know you'll be sharing them all like mad!

Unitarian Universalists, as a community, are very lucky to have so many wonderful ways to express themselves and their faith. With so many paths and so many practices all melded together, it's amazing how wild and wonderful our teaching opportunities are! We hope that you'll find Michelle Richards's book, blog and Pinterest board helpful tools to add to your toolbox. Here at And So Are They, we know we are thrilled to have her support and resources on hand.

- Jenn Blosser -

UU Kids and Vacation Bible School

My son was chosen "Disciple of the Week" at the local Christian Alliance Church's Vacation Bible School. While I tried to hide a sly smile at the thought of the only non-Christian child in the place winning this award, I also felt proud.  I was proud of his quiet, good behavior, his attention to his teachers' lessons, and his open-mindedness to some of the different beliefs of the other children. I was impressed at the number of Bible verses he memorized, as well as all the kids' memorization skills.  I can barely get through the Pledge of Allegiance without hesitation- never mind three lines of biblical verse.

This Alliance Church Bible School was a good one.  Active volunteers of all ages, engaged pastors, a well thought out program, and a big turnout of  children helped make it run smoothly. I like to observe a church's Bible School Camp for a few hours before I leave one of my children in its hands. There have been some good camps and some strange ones...Tarp Camp, for example, was a bit awkward.

Spiritually Alive, Radically Inclusive, Justice Centered

For one reason or another, UU congregations all over have been discovering that a certain age group is missing from their church, creating "the gap." Somewhere between their late teens and their late twenties, our youth are vanishing from the church scene. What's causing this phenomenon and how can we encourage our young adults to return to our congregations? Our church, UUCFM, is partnering with our local university, Florida Gulf Coat University, to begin a UU ministry on campus, the Eagle Unitarian Universalists. This work is being undertaken by congregation member Katie Romano Griffin, among others, who recently gave a sermon on this endeavor.

We encourage you to take a moment to watch Katie's sermon and ask that you share your thoughts and inspirations in the comments below.

The Parent's Mantra

Independence and Inclusion

The documents that our nation holds with most respect, including the Declaration of Independence, the Constitution of the United States, and the Bill of Rights shapes our democracy and remain a vital symbol of the freedoms we honor as citizens and in our American culture. We are still creating a more perfect union, and one of the ways we do this in practice is how we view each person as an individual, both in federal law and promises we make to each other in our church and spiritual communities.

As a Unitarian Universalist, I am always exercising the rights expressed in our country’s Bill of Rights: freedom of speech, press, religion, peaceable assembly and petition of our government. For example, how many Unitarian Universalists speak out against injustices by protesting and writing letters to government officials? This is one of the ways we are free to practice our own beliefs and be a contributing member of our society. But what happens when you feel like you can only practice some of these freedoms in a smaller, maybe less significant way because of your body and mobility issues? I have honestly struggled with this, and I know there are people that can relate to my story.

Independence Day Crafts

Here's another cross-over blog that comes to us from Crafty Mom 101 just in time for 4th of July's festivities! Enjoy your holiday celebrating both the freedoms we are gifted 

and those that we are still fighting for!

Fun star-shaped crayons are so easy to make!

I was wandering down the trusty Target dollar aisle and came upon these terrific star-shaped ice-cube trays. There are just so many things you can do with molds like these, so instantly I grabbed two of them! Two dollars is hardly too much to spend on a little fun! Here are three simple uses for these fantastic little crafty treasures.

Band Aids for Boo Boo's

This is a post that comes to us from Crafty Mom 101 (another blog authored by And So Are They writer, Jenn Blosser) It's an inspirational story about a little boy's bravery, kindness, and his goal to give to others. So read on UU friends, and perhaps you'll be able to participate in this drive to cheer up children who need it most!

In November of 2011, shortly before his 3rd birthday, little Ethan was diagnosed with Langerhans Cell Histiocytosis (LCH). He underwent surgery in December to remove a tumor from his brain (spending Christmas in the hospital) and then endured 14 months of chemotherapy. It might not seem like much, but after all these procedures, all the shots and blood samples, getting a simple little band-aid with a superhero on it was enough to put a smile on Ethan's face (as you can see!) 

This is what inspired Ethan to start collecting "Band-Aids for Boo Boos." To lessen the fear of the multitude of hospital treatments and tests so many children undergo, to bring even a little grin to the face of a brave girl or boy, Ethan is on a quest to collect character band-aids of every kind to donate to local hospitals. 

His charity mission began with Tampa General Hospital (TGH), where he received treatment, himself. In August, 2012, Ethan had collected over 250 boxes of band-aids for TGH thanks to the donations and support of average people with big hearts.

Act of Kindness

Take a moment to reflect on the last time you were in the store, grocery, drug store, or a fast food mart. Got the image?! Now, recall when you were at the register and you were fumbling for the right change to pay the bill because your credit/debit card was denied. Got that image of your face turning red? The redness went from your face to your ears and down your neck, the heat was intense as a sense of embarrassment. Now take a second to imagine fumbling for the exact same change, but this time you're homeless. 

This was a moment today that I observed at Walgreens this afternoon. The older gentleman in front of me was purchasing a water and a few snack items. As he was fumbling, the cashier was apologizing for the man, making it appear that he was inconveniencing me by making me wait for him to gather his change. I wasn't feeling in the slightest put out, but it came across that the cashier was feeling put out, because this man had to dig and count out pennies, dimes, and nickels to pay for his items. 

Then in a moment of frustration and despair, the older gentleman realized he wasn't going to have enough to pay for these few items. I reached into my pocket and gave the man some money, making mention that it was found on the ground earlier, and it was possible it was meant more for this moment. The older gentleman almost let his pride get in the way and prevent him from accepting the assistance I so readily offered to him, but I think, sadly, that his hunger and thirst won the battle in the end. 

He graciously accepted my offer, and a genuine moment occurred when his hand touched mine as we exchanged the money between us...humanity. We have all been in a situation, where assistance has been offered in some way, shape or form, and our pride got in the way. What rang home for me in that moment, was how deeply sad I felt because this person had to experience the moment at all, due to his misfortune of being homeless.

An "Act of Kindness", can come in any form, but the next time you have the opportunity to say "hello" to a stranger or the opportunity to make a difference in someone else's life... make it... and be grateful that you had that moment.

- Terry Shupe -

Meet Terry Shupe!

We are happy to welcome another wonderful writer to the And So Are They team! Terry Shupe is the RE Director at the Unitarian Universalist Church of Fort Myers, and she is wild about working with and empowering kids. We could go ahead and talk about her for a while, but it might be better to let her introduce herself in her own words...

I absolutely adore my partner with whom I am going to have a Commitment Ceremony with in August. I have 6 cats and 2 dogs who greet with such love and affection, even if I only went to get the mail! I tend to think I’m a very deep person; built up of such diversity even I sometimes have a hard time understanding myself.

I grew up on a farm in Pennsylvania, with older guardian parents, who were from the “Great Depression.” Therefore, I grew up with no running water or inside conveniences.  My guardian father only had a 3rd grade education, because he was expected to work on the family farm to help provide for his 12 siblings, after his father died from a tracker accident. With that said he didn't believe in an education and that children worked for the food put on the table for them. It might sound harsh to some, however, now as an adult I can certainly see how that built confidence and character in me.

Equality Celebration at UUCFM

We celebrated the death of DOMA at our coffee hour after this Sunday's service at the Unitarian Universalist Church of Fort Myers. Everyone contributed some rainbow goodies and the party was on! Here are a few pictures from our party:

Vegan rainbow sugar cookies!

Celebrating Equality with Rainbow Crafts!

Our coffee hour at church tomorrow is becoming an informal celebration of the recent rulings on DOMA and Prop 8. Everyone is getting into the mood, volunteering to bring rainbow cakes, cookies and other such treats. I decided the kids and I were going to take care of the decor, so we're busting out the craft paper, scissors and glue to get our craft on!

How My Marriage Lead Me to Unitarian Universalism

My husband, Lee, and I met in October, 2007. He was getting back on his feet after a painful divorce and I had split with my first husband only a month before we met. We were both broken in our own ways and struggling with different stages of our healing process. If you have ever seen your marriage fall apart because your spouse has fallen in love with someone else, you know how shaken your world becomes. It's as though you have to reexamine everything you accepted as factual in your world. You find yourself questioning every relationship you've ever had... and you find yourself desperate to be loved and accepted. However, if you're smart, you also know that it will take a long time before you're ready to forge the bonds of a new relationship with someone.

And so it was with Lee and I. While there was a part of me that wanted to settle down with him immediately (mostly the part of me that fell head-over-heels in love with his amazing kids) there was another part of me that still needed to figure out where my place in life really was before I could consider committing to anyone. It took a while, and through it, my spirituality was key.

As Lee and I began our friendship, we were both die-hard pagans of a generic-but-slightly-Wiccan nature. We cast circles together, we communed with nature, we taught the kids about the Wheel of the Year and how to create spells. However, we were not very sociable in our spirituality. We kept it between ourselves, not for shame, but because both of us needed that independence. We needed to be our own spiritual home, without any community or influence other than ourselves. Somehow, as we progressed in our relationship with each other and became more intimate, we started to lose our fervor for this private paganism. That's when a hole began to grow in our spirituality and certain distance developed in our relationship.

My Name is Alison

My name is Alison, some call me Allie. I am 23 years old and I am a junior in college.

When I was born in Massachusetts, the hospital had a chaplain come to my parents to talk and comfort them about the difficulties I would face with my congenital birth defect, Spina Bifida, which can result in varying levels of paraplegia to quadriplegia. As my mother has told me the story over the years, this chaplain was upset for us, but the only reaction my parents gave was that it was okay. They will learn what to do, and accept whatever becomes of their newborn child.  I would be loved unconditionally.

Four years later, my grandmother moved to Florida to be in a warmer climate and told my parents it would be a lot warmer and easier for me to learn how to be more independent with my scooter, and soon enough, my first wheelchair. We made the move, and soon I would learn how to push my wheelchair by myself. Instead of my first crawl or first steps, it was pushing the scooter. And then as a toddler, imagine a four-year old wheeling around the store or mall while you are trying to shop, and then hearing the intercom saying your child in the red wheelchair is at Customer Service after trying to chat with other customers. Parental panic still happens in my family.

After a year or so in Florida, my mother took me to the Unitarian Universalist Church of Fort Myers for the first time, at age five. I guess you could say I have never looked back, much to my parent’s surprise as to how much I attached myself to a Unitarian Universalist identity at that age.

Celebrating Equality

Today is one for the history books. The Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) and California's Proposition 8 were both ruled on today, and the results were in favor of equal rights for all. DOMA was declared unconstitutional, and Prop. 8 was overturned. Does this solve all of the equal rights issues in America? Of course not, but it's a big step towards true equality.

As I felt the need to party it up in celebration, I realized that my kids don't really comprehend what the big deal is since they have never questioned someone's right to love someone else, whether that person is of a different race, religion, or whether or not they are of the same sex. They are part of a future generation that already accepts the rights of gays to love like any other person loves and live like any other person lives. They are vaguely aware that their country isn't 100% on board and that there are differing opinions, but politics aren't their strong suit and they have always been taught to treat everyone equally no matter what, so to them, equal rights are already a fact. While I am proud of their open acceptance and respect for all, I realize how important it is to explain the significance of this moment in history. Raising children who accept and support equal rights for all is one thing, but it occurs to me that I want to give my kids the tools to fight for those rights.

Being a UU Mom

My name is Jennifer Blosser and I am like the hundreds of others out there who stumbled into a Unitarian Universalist church only to discover that I've always been a Unitarian Universalist my whole life! My husband and I are now members of the church and are raising our three children as full-blooded UU kids... whatever that means. Lacking a real creed or doctrine beyond "love everyone," it is sometimes difficult to know exactly how to be a spiritually nurturing parent in the UU tradition. The UUA has some marvelous resources for teaching Unitarian Universalism outside of the church's own Religious Education (RE) Program. Of course, this is all wonderful and useful, but often it is through bonding with fellow UU parents that one benefits the most.

To me, being a UU mom is all about finding a part of myself that is able to grow and develop right alongside my children. I must put aside prejudices or fears that formed within me when I was a child and learn to grow with an open heart so that I can teach my kids to do the same. I must reject the lofty claim that I now know (or have ever known) the Truth so that I can learn to accept all the Truths and share them with my children. I must shake off my inhibitions and push aside my doubts to that I can experience hope and imbibe my children's hearts with that emotion. It's not always easy, and often I falter, but the beauty of being a UU mom is knowing that the very mistakes I make are merely stepping stones to my success.